Explore the truth behind the ‘use it or lose it’ myth in menopause and understand the real impact on sexual health. Learn about the physiological changes, the importance of seeking help for painful sex, and ways to empower your sexual wellness during menopause with Spiced Pear Health
We have seen quite a few social media posts that suggest that when it comes to sex & menopause, we need to “use it or lose it”.
Is this true?
Blood flow to the sexual organs drops after menopause, and this leads to loss of lubrication, less sensitive touch receptors, less stretchy tissues and less repair. Just like men, in our fertile years, we have nighttime clitoral erections to keep the tissues healthy – these can decrease as we age. We need fresh, oxygenated blood flow to these parts of us to keep everything working well. So perhaps it does seem logical to say – use it or lose it.
The thing is, though, in the clinic, we see women who have been told this is the case and are putting up with pleasureless or painful sex as a result.
They think doing so will help make things better – and this is rarely – if ever – true.
Painful sex sets up cycles of anticipation of more painful sex. Arousal drops as anxiety rises, further impacting dryness and lack of blood flow. Climax gets harder, and libido falls. Pelvic floor muscles begin to tense as a protective mechanism – known as vaginismus – which makes penetration even more difficult and painful. And so the cycle continues.
If sex is joyless, painful or leads to infections, then seeking help is vital.
In getting back to sex, start on your own. Remap what feels good now (and what doesn’t). Self-touch can feel safe, brings blood to where it’s needed and helps you gain confidence. Most importantly, it puts YOU and YOUR needs at the centre of the process.
So.. our advice isn’t to “use it, or lose it”, but rather to “own it, and take action on it” if sexuality is important to you. If you need an expert on sex after any kind of menopause, do reach out to us.
Throughout this website, we use the term women when describing people who experience hormonal symptoms. However, we acknowledge not only those who identify as women require access to menopause and hormone health information. For example, some trans men, non-binary people, intersex people or people with variations in sex characteristics may also experience menopausal symptoms and PMS/PME or PMDD, and we warmly welcome everyone who needs this support in our clinic.
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